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I've Never Had a Coffee

by Gemnastics

I know it's hard to believe
but I just never got the urge
people, you're looking at a
coffee virgin

café
sunny day
customers sitting, sipping
slurping
drinking coffee
dripping it
down thirsty throats

drowning in accelerated anecdotes
about
promotions
demotions
emotions
explosions
commotions
quote unquote

carcinogens spiced cinnamon
to kick start Saturday
or is it Sunday
it may even be Monday
but who's counting...
sheep
to get to sleep
no need
just chuck back a short black
stay awake
for how many more days?

cant count calendar days
count coffee cups
line them up
tally the crockery to see
how many nights you've been up...
one, two, threeeee...
skip!
into the day
don't trip!
here comes the morning
warning signs
don't be surprised to find
sirens alarm bells
grinding
in your mind
like a fine blend
for you to finally find
some semblance of sanity
in this urban grind

rewind the time
to the time
you left your mind behind

but don't stop don't stop
gotta find time
to do things quickly
you're looking sickly
is that jaundice
or lock jaw...
who's keeping score

can we stop can we stop
ive just got
to drop in
at that coffee shop...

STOP!

yeah it's hard to believe
but I just never had the urge
that's right people I'm a
coffee virgin

never thrown back a short black
what is that?
a teeny cuppa heart attack?
never have I,
"Gino, please, a cappuccino,
make it a bambino
top it with a maraschino
cherry
very foamy
extra sweet"
instead I tap my head
in time
to my
already upbeat heartbeat
shuffle on my deadbeat feet
past the poached eggs
and pigmeat
complete
with a big cuppa café coffee

cos ive

never had a coffee

never held tight
to a flat white
like a child
frightened by the night
never fondled it like foreplay
never dotted the ashtray
licking at a latte
like a cliché
on a Saturday
or any day in fact
anyway the fact is

that its
underestimated
how
caffeinated
beverage
under-educated
I am
and your reaction is?
let me guess -
youre thinking,
'this lass
needs a slap in the kisser'
well listen Missus, Mizz, Mista -
Arabica is overrated
Camomile is understated,
understand?
I must be jaded
but I trust
my healthy heart
not to hip hop
but stay sa-synco- p p p p pated
after others have faded
in a tangle of caffeinated
coffee come-downs.

sure I lack a latte a day,
sure I might be slightly light on a flat white,
and I kinda wanna
smash Gloria jeans to smithereens,
tell that uber popular
franchise faux pas
starbucks
to get fucked,
and sure I might be so bold
as to sample a cuppa Nescafe gold
when I'm a little older
im told
I'll be sold on it
the minute
I dip my lip in the cup for a sip of it
then throw it back -

but you know what?
I prefer my short blacks
in a centrefold

naked
head to toe
front to back

and if I could wake up to that
every day -

some hot roast Kenyan
just steaming away -

well I wouldn't need a coffee anyway.